It was never our plan to have 5 kids. We have just really enjoyed going with the flow, and were always so overjoyed each time we found out we were having another baby. Now, here we are, with 5 kids. I wouldn't trade this for the world. It's a far cry from where I originally wanted to be...single, no kids, living in NYC and working on SNL. But, I can not imagine my life without each of these sweet people, and being a mom is definitely what I belong doing.
I just am starting to think I'm not doing a good job. Well, that's not entirely accurate. I am not doing the job the way I really DESIRE to do it. Basically, I am so wrapped up in just getting through the day, that I am not living the way I feel. My values, the things that are so important to me, are not coming through in my day to day parenting. My house is so important to me, yet it is constantly a mess. We have financial goals, yet I can't make the time to set a budget and get everything paid, and we are behind. It's not because we don't have the means or the desire to do these things, at the end of the day, these things just DON'T GET DONE.
I am less than a week from my birthday, which is the time I feel most dedicated to self improvement (versus the old New Year's Eve resolutions). So, here we go. Can I really get this balance, this living my values, these goals that I really, really want? We will see.
I wanted to write more, but my son is pouring water on the carpet and complaining that no one will rock with him.
